The Singularity

Good ideas, but it could do with some proof-reading - there are quite a few grammatical errors. For example, the story is narrated in the past tense, but on page 3, briefly switches to the present tense:

"Nope, way bigger than that." he sets the laptops down on the coffee table.

I also reckon "he" in the above example should have an uppercase "H" and should maybe start on a new line.

On page 7:

"Cant." Fay assured, "The machine code ..."

has a missing apostrophe and I think (but I'm not sure) the… (more)

Good ideas, but it could do with some proof-reading - there are quite a few grammatical errors. For example, the story is narrated in the past tense, but on page 3, briefly switches to the present tense:

"Nope, way bigger than that." he sets the laptops down on the coffee table.

I also reckon "he" in the above example should have an uppercase "H" and should maybe start on a new line.

On page 7:

"Cant." Fay assured, "The machine code ..."

has a missing apostrophe and I think (but I'm not sure) the period should be a comma ("Can't, " ...)

Page 11:
"Well, go head and show it to me. What is it?"
(go ahead)

Page 13:
"... If you're and old white male ..."
(... an old white male ...)

"Second Life" is mentioned twice in the story, the first time without any capitalization, the second time with a capital "S" but lowercase "l".

Those are just a few examples of the errors I spotted. Sorry if I'm being too critical, but I'm the kind of person for whom spelling and grammar errors just jump out of the page - kind of like Russell Crowe seeing patterns in newspapers in "A Beautiful Mind".

You have a grater than 1/7 chance of being right Mike. It's rare that anything worthwhile gets done on a Monday. Thanks for the entertaining read.