Fast Forward

Born in 1887. Horse orthodonist and connoisseur of Vimto. Favourite seduction method is to sing a lullaby rendition of "Knees Up Mother Brown" accompanied by trombone and therimn. Handy with a Bowie Knife. Voted for Electrolux in the 1932 Presidential Election. Most favoured herb: Parsley. Turned down a proposal of polygamy from the Van DeGroote sisters. Represented in all court cases by Harbottle, Kinch and Rumsfeld. Took up the pen while convalescing from a volcanic erruption. Author of "Bathtime with a Shoggoth" MindMyBunion! Press (1959) "To the Moon and Back on a Dandelion" CrabApple Press (1962)and "The Sugar-Coated Phalanx -- a Survey of Lily-Livered Armies Throughout History" Deep Fried Angel Publications (1974).